Funny Status For Facebook | Funny Jokes For Kids

Funny Status For Facebook

I have collected below funny status for Facebook. You can download these free for your friends, siblings, relatives, and others. These status will make you and your friends happy in sad times. These funny status for Facebook will help you entertain your friends.

Funny Jokes For Kids

• Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day. February 14th.
• It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
• There is nothing better than a friend …unless it’s a friend with chocolate.
• Now, when someone adds me on Facebook, it will say: you are now friends with Benefits.
• Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don’t want to go.
• My wife keeps telling me that I’m the cheapest person she has ever met in her life. I’m not buying it.
• There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
• A good friend can finish your sentences… a best friend will do the same, but make it sound 10 times dirtier
• Jack’s father died last night so John asked him “What was the cause of his father’s death?”
  Jack: “A bus passed over his finger!”
  John laughed and told him: “It is not a suitable cause.”
  Jack: “When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!”
• A friend is like a book: you don’t need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.

• Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar… She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor.
• I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
• You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You’re everything I ever wanted in a friend.
• When you are in Hospital, your friends ask – “Hey, how are you dear?”
  But your best friend ask – “Hey buddy, how is the nurse?”
• My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.
• I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
• What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
• Friends comfort you with comforting words. Best friends comfort you with comforting words too, but with sarcasm.
• Friends are always with you whether they are imaginary are real.
• What shall we play today?” said Florence to her best friend Jenny.
  “Let’s play schools,” said Jenny.
  “OK!” said Florence. “But I’m going to be absent.

• My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3-meter wide frame for our wedding photo. Well, I think she should look at the bigger picture.
• I submitted ten puns to a pun contest hoping that one would win, but no pun in ten did.
• True friendship: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
• Two friends, Jenny and Jinny were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Jenny had an idea. She turned to Jinny and said excitedly. “Let’s play schools”.”OK!” said Jinny. “But I’m going to be absent.”
• Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?
• My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
• Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes… You need to let that mango.
• I gave my date a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet.
• You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving — you need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

• People say I’m condescending. That means I talk down to others.
• My best friends and I played a game of hiding and seek. It went on for hours.
  Well, good friends are hard to find.
• Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant.
• My wife thinks I don’t respect her privacy enough. At least, that’s what it says in her diary.
• What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
• My girlfriend said to me last night, “You treat our relationship like some kind of game!”  Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
• Why can’t you be friends with a squirrel?
  They drive everyone nuts.
• A tree house is the biggest insult to a tree. “Here, I killed your friend. Hold him.
• My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with wearing different clothes every half an hour.  I said, “Wait, I can change.”
• A magician was driving down the road and turned into a driveway.